Nakago's Dating Advice
by Arcanine
Summary: **Ch. 3 is up!!** What happens when Amiboshi and Suboshi have questions, but Radio Shack DOESN’T have answers? Nakago has a mission! Advice inside!! o_O Inspired by ch12 of huffpuff's fanfic,
1. Default Chapter

Hello, hello, hello! I've been feeling sick all day and now I feel hyper! This fic was inspired by huffpuff's GREAT, WONDERFUL—um…I don't want to use too many adjectives, but you get the point—fanfic called "A Deception Removed". Or more specifically, chapter 12. I am the lunatic who has changed the colors on her computer to a "Ryuuseisui" theme…all blue and orange!  
  
Summary: What happens when Amiboshi and Suboshi have questions, but Radio Shack DOESN'T have answers? Nakago has a mission! But we won't see Nakago till chapter 2…at a carnival?! At a loss for a good summary, the author shuts up and lets everyone read her fanfic!  
  
  
  
Nakago's Dating Advice For Idiot Seishi Who Are Stupid Enough To Come To Him For Help When He Really Can't Help Them Too Much. Not That I'm Calling Suboshi and Amiboshi Idiots—It's Just A Stupid Title!  
  
  
  
"PLEASE, aniki?" Suboshi asked Amiboshi with huge puppy-dog eyes.  
  
"No." replied the slightly more sane of the twins.  
  
"But aniki!" Suboshi protested. "They SAID they had answers, and they didn't!"  
  
"That's no reason to impale them on killer yo-yos of death." Amiboshi reminded him.  
  
"Yes it is!" Suboshi insisted. "You could play your flute instead and then they could go insane!"  
  
"No." Amiboshi said. "They'll send that person Security after us again."  
  
"Oh, right." Suboshi said.  
  
  
  
**BEGIN FLASHBACK**  
  
The Seiryu twins walk into a place called Radio Shack, after hearing somebody say that if you've got questions, Radio Shack has answers. (Damn commercials are annoying!)  
  
"Hi. We have some questions." Amiboshi told the nearest person, who happened to be someone who didn't even work at the store.  
  
"Ask him." The person replied, edging slowly away from the 15-year old in weird clothes who was carrying a flute.  
  
"Ok. Thank you." Amiboshi said and walked up to someone who, fortunately, was a store employee.  
  
Unfortunately, however, this person was not having a very good day.  
  
"What do YOU want?!" the person demanded.  
  
"I just wanted to know if you could answer some questions—" Amiboshi asked.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, what?" the person demanded.  
  
"You're not being nice to my aniki." Suboshi told the depressed employee.  
  
"What's an aniki?" the employee asked, because they probably don't have Radio Shacks in Ancient China where people speak Japanese. "Why do you have those weird yo-yo things? Are they a weapon?"  
  
The employee's eyes narrowed. "Weapons aren't allowed in the store. I'll have to send Security after you."  
  
"Aniki…maybe we should ask someone else. This guy seems crazy." Suboshi said.  
  
"Good idea."  
  
**END FLASHBACK**  
  
  
  
"But WHERE are we going to get dating advice now, aniki?" Suboshi asked.  
  
"We could always ask…uh…" Amiboshi thought out loud. "Nakago?"  
  
The twins burst out laughing, until they fell to the ground. They continued to do so for quite a few minutes before gasping for oxygen. Amiboshi and Suboshi stopped laughing when a shadow fell over them.  
  
"I'm going to have to ask to the two of you to leave this mall at once. You're disrupting the peace with unnecessary laughter, a flute and some yo-yos." The mall security guard replied.  
  
"How's aniki's flute and Ryuuseisui disrupting the peace?!" Suboshi demanded.  
  
"Because I said so!" replied the security guard, who was having a worse day than the Radio Shack employee.  
  
"Can I impale HIM with Ryuuseisui?" Suboshi asked his aniki.  
  
"Just try not to be too messy." Amiboshi said.  
  
After he had his fun impaling the security guard, Suboshi walked out of the mall with Amiboshi.  
  
"D'you think we should ask Nakago?" Suboshi asked with a straight face.  
  
The twins spent another moment in helpless laughter.  
  
"Why not?" Amiboshi said. "It won't kill us."  
  
"Aniki, we're talking about Nakago." Suboshi reminded him.  
  
"Ok, it might kill us." Amiboshi admitted.  
  
(Which resulted in some laughter from them and all the readers.)  
  
…End chapter one…  
  
I'm not sure where this is going…All I know is, I felt like starting it out with the twins at Radio Shack. Chapter 2 will feature extreme stupidity, some Nakago, more of the twins, and stupid things at a carnival! Including the infamous…Pay to see Tamahome's ass! (Don't ask…my friend said something about Tamahome's ass on a tape, and I said "Some people would pay to see that!" and so…Carnival booths that never were…)  
  
Announcer: Chapter Two…The Twins Visit A Carnival And Find Nakago…But Will They Stop Laughing? Will anyone else be impaled on the yo-yos of death? How many people will pay to see Tamahome's ass? Will Tasuki and Chiriko (yes, Chiriko) sabotage the booth? Will Chichiri be a fortune teller na no da? Will Nuriko join a freak show as "the strong man/woman/whatever"? Will I find a way to mention Hotohori and Mitsukake? Will I shut up?  
  
Arcanine: Obviously not. *Sends Suboshi after the announcer* I guess someone else WILL be impaled on the yo-yos of death. Ryuuseisui is so cool!  
  
*Announcer's screams are heard*  
  
  
  
Review, please! ^_^ And read huffpuff's fic, too! 


	2. A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The...

Nakago's Dating Advice  
  
Chapter 2: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way To The Carnival  
  
After their…adventure…at Radio Shack, the twins sought out the person who made the stupid Radio Shack commercials. "YOU SAID THEY WOULD HAVE ANSWERS!" was the last thing the poor guy heard. Later, they found someplace to sleep that didn't ask what they were doing on their own with just a flute and a pair of yo-yos. (Newspapers and reporters on TV all across the country found something suspicious. "The managers of hotels have been found earlier today with big holes through their stomachs and some appear to have gone insane. Nobody knows why.")  
  
The twins rose and quickly repacked their supplies, and left a note of apology, as Amiboshi suggested. "We have no money with us, but be happy that we didn't kill you with the yo-yos." Suboshi wrote the note. A few minutes later, both were astride their chestnut brown steeds. By nightfall, they were approaching the place, not far outside the Konan capital, where they continued to search for Nakago. Random details have been stolen from huffpuff's fic. I said it, so don't sue me, please!  
  
"Look over there." Suboshi pointed at something strange in their path.  
  
"What?" Amiboshi said.  
  
The two brothers stopped to look at a sign posted near the strange thing's entrance.  
  
"It's a carnival!" Amiboshi exclaimed with a lot of enthusiasm.  
  
"What's that?" asked Suboshi with just as much enthusiasm.  
  
"I don't know!" Amiboshi responded, with the same amount of enthusiasm.  
  
"I think we're being too happy for not knowing what we're talking about!" Suboshi said enthusiastically, just like he and his brother had been saying.  
  
"I think so too!" Amiboshi replied with extreme enthusiasm.  
  
"The yo-yo death toll will rise if some people do not shut up about enthusiasm…" muttered Suboshi darkly.  
  
There, are you all happy? I stopped using "enthusiastically" and words like that, and even used an interesting descriptive word!  
  
The twins decided to take time off of their "very serious quest" to explore the carnival.  
  
Amiboshi squinted at a sign somewhere in the mysterious place called a carnival, and read it aloud. "Cotton candy? What's that?"  
  
"Ah…would you like some?" asked the cotton candy man.  
  
"Um…Sure…" Amiboshi replied.  
  
Moments later, the twins' eyes took on a psychotic, red gleam from too much sugar. The two brothers walked around the carnival in a daze, stopping to look at all of the things they had never seen because of the lack of carnivals in their youth. Suddenly, however, they stopped in their tracks to stare at the long line coming from a strange tent that had been put up.  
  
"P-p-pay to see Tamahome's ass?" Amiboshi exclaimed, his eyes bugging out of his head.  
  
"Who would want to do THAT besides the Suzaku no—the Suzaku no—uh…" Suboshi trailed off. "Damn! I can't think up a good insult!"  
  
Tasuki and Chiriko stood outside, taking money and admitting people into the tent.  
  
"How much money did we make so far, Chiriko?" Tasuki asked, as he collected more bills from hentai Fangirls.  
  
"Approximately…" Chiriko read off his calculations.  
  
"An' Tama doesn't know we're gonna run off with it, does he?" Tasuki asked.  
  
"No, Tasuki-san."  
  
"Good."  
  
Amiboshi and Suboshi did not stay around long enough to find out what was happening inside the tent, but they suspected Tasuki and Chiriko would be found dead soon enough, and the money inside Tamahome's pocket. The next tent they passed—they were in the freak show!—was "Guess That Gender!" starring Hotohori and Nuriko.  
  
"I always knew the Suzaku seishi were freaks!" Suboshi said.  
  
"Speaking of 'seishi'…shouldn't we be leaving soon to look for Nakago?" Amiboshi asked.  
  
The twins walked through the carnival a little longer—now they were past the freak show, but into the section of the carnival known as… "PEOPLE WHO HAVE CHEESY SCHEMES TO TAKE YOUR MONEY!" One such thing was Chichiri, posing as a fortune teller.  
  
Amiboshi's eyes widened, as he stared at something. "Look behind you."  
  
"Huh?" Suboshi asked, and turned.  
  
Now both of them had eyes that were extremely wide.  
  
"NAKAGO?" they exclaimed.  
  
Nakago was sitting at a table with a badly made sign in front of it labeled "Nakago's Dating Advice".  
  
  
  
Yes, I'm going to leave off here. Why? Suspense! Well…not exactly suspense, but you'll probably want to know what stupid things will happen next. Will Mistukake run a booth? Will we see any more seishi there? Will everyone learn the truth about what Tomo looks like with his mask off? Oh yes they will…! All that and more revealed in chapter 3…! Review, please! ^_^ (The current yo-yo death toll is 1 mall security guard, 1 Radio Shack commercial guy, and various people who run hotels that don't like the twins.) Behold the power of yo-yos! 


	3. Explosions and Such

^_^  Yes!  I will finally add another chapter to this fic!  Again, *Takes deep breath and yells at top of lungs*  READ HUFFPUFF'S FIC "A DECEPTION REMOVED" IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY!  **This contains spoilers for chapter 20 of "A Deception Removed"!**  Enjoy the fic!  And try to spot references to the Nakago FY novel!  **Spoiler for Nakago's real (first) name.**

Disclaimer: I don't own Fushigi Yuugi.  I also don't own Monkey from huffpuff's "A Deception Removed" fic, or his obsession with Nuriko.  I don't own kodoku, but I don't know anyone else that *does* own it.  I don't own the twins or Ryuuseisui.  Must have Ryuuseisui to kill the people at school who try to steal my manga to annoy me!  Also!!  I don't own Ryuusei Den, but I want it!  It's one of the novels!  It's got the twins as little kids!  They're so cute!  And Suboshi runs after someone with garden tools!  ^_^  Cool, isn't it?

I do own "Guess That Gender", "Nakago's Dating Booth", anything else at the carnival, and any fake appearance-altering products.  I own my M&Ms, so don't try taking them!

Nakago's Dating Advice 

**Chapter Three: Surprises and Explosions!**

          "NAKAGO?!" the twins yelled.  Loudly.  

          So loudly, in fact, that everyone in the carnival turned to stare at them.  

          Nakago, who was wearing sunglasses in a strange attempt to be like Tetsuya, didn't see them.  WHY he would want to be like Tetsuya, I don't know, but at least then we wouldn't have to see Nakago's eyes.

"Yes?" he asked.

"He's giving…dating advice…in a carnival…" muttered Suboshi in disbelief.  

"I never knew Nakago would do something this…weird." Amiboshi said.  "Let's go ask Chichiri to see if it's really him!"

"Huh?"

"Look."

"Oh."

Chichiri was running a fake fortune-telling booth.  

"Yes?" Nakago called again, to the twins' retreating backs.

"Hi no da!  Would you like to know what I see in the future no da?" Chichiri asked (no da).

"Uh…OK." Amiboshi replied.

"That will be five dollars no da." Chichiri said (no da).

"WHAT?!" Suboshi demanded (without the no da).

"Um, but you're my first customers so I'll do it for free no da!" Chichiri exclaimed (no da).

"That's very nice of you." Suboshi said sarcastically (without the no da).  

Are all of the parentheses getting annoying (without the no da)?  Then I guess I'll stop using them—without the "without the no da" in parenthesis!  MWAHAHA!

"I see…" said Chichiri, gazing into a fake crystal ball. "I see Nakago running a booth on dating advice, and people WALKING OVER TO THE BOOTH! OH SUZAKU! THEY'RE GOING TO FALL FOR HIS STUPID SCHEMES OF—!" 

"Shut up…" muttered Suboshi, as he and Amiboshi walked over to Nakago's booth, which they hoped was less fake than Chichiri.

What the twins didn't notice, was that Chichiri was actually correct in his predictions, and had seen the twins going there and getting sucked into one of Nakago's stupid schemes.

An almost eleven-year old girl walked up to Nakago's booth and laughed at the blond man in sunglasses.  

"Hi!" said the girl.

"Hi." Nakago said with absolutely no emotion whatsoever, even though the girl was almost eleven.

"Well, what are you waiting for?  Don't you have some dating advice for me?!" the girl demanded.

"Um…One way to get a guy is become a prostitute at age 12, and then get saved by someone and…um…meet them later in a palace…and…" Nakago attempted to think of something to say.  "Don't forget to call your rival a smelly asshole and say his seishi power stinks."

"Thanks!" the girl said happily, and tossed him some flowers.

"AHHHH!" shrieked Nakago, for he had a strange fear of flower bouquets given to him by near-eleven-year old girls.  "SHE'S BACK FROM THE DEAD!!!"    _(A/N: Hehehe…I read a translation of the entire Nakago novel last night.  It's really good!)_

"Huh?  Ghost?  Where?" yelled the girl, running for her parent/guardian that had taken her to the carnival.  

Actually, she had a secret bomb placed in her by the Kuto Emperor…PERVERT!…and it was the job of the Kuto spies to take her safely to Konan, where she would then self-destruct.  It was the job of Monkey to do so.  Of course, since nobody actually liked Monkey, they hoped she would blow up before he got to Konan.  That's why they told him to stop at the carnival, where all sorts of weird things could happen.  And happen they did!  The bomb-child ran off when Monkey started drooling at the "Guess That Gender" game.

"Nuriko…" Monkey mumbled.  "Are you a woman…?  Why would you be in such a foolish game when anyone can tell by your beauty that you are a—"

"Hey, are you gonna guess already?!" demanded Miboshi, who was running the booth.

"AHHH!  Midget-monk-with-bladder-problems!  HELP MEEEEE!" Monkey wailed.

Miboshi whacked him on the head with a FY manga.  That can be quite painful…

"Are you guessing or not?!" demanded Miboshi.

"Yes, yes, yes…" Monkey said.  "Nuriko is a—!"

"Pay first, guess later!" Miboshi said, holding out his hand for some money.

Monkey quickly paid Miboshi, and guessed… "Nuriko, you're a woman…" and continued to drool.

"I'm sorry!  You've lost!  Please tell your friends about us, and I hope you've had fun playing…GUESS THAT GENDER!" Miboshi said in a loud announcer's voice, as Nuriko unbuttoned his shirt displaying, well, what wasn't there.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Monkey yelled, running in fear.  "Hey, where'd that bomb-kid go?"

Unfortunately, the "bomb-kid" who was scared of a ghost of Nakago's past returning from the dead was _also_ running in fear.  The two of them ran right into each other.  KABOOM!  Bye-bye, Monkey.  We never liked you.

"Mitsukake…The fireworks are so beautiful…" said a voice.

"Yes, they are…" Mitsukake responded.  "Soi…"

(AHHHHHHHHH!)

Oh my!  I just realized I haven't mentioned the twins for over a page!  *GASP*  I'm sooo sorry!  My computer is yelling at me, too, by playing an anime song by the guy who plays the twins.  

"Nakago?" asked Amiboshi.  

"You two are here for dating advice?" Nakago asked with a slight laugh.

"Well…yeah." Suboshi responded.  "And what's with the sunglasses?  You look like that stupid guy—"

"Ah!  You bear a grudge!  You must call your rival in love a smelly asshole and say his seishi powers stink!" Nakago informed Suboshi.

"Hai!" Suboshi said.  "That sounds smart!"

"That sounds pretty pointless." Amiboshi said.

"You could always die your hair the color of your rival's, get cool colored contacts to change your eye color, and dress up in order to trick them." Nakago said.

"Ah!" Amiboshi replied.  "THAT sounds smart!"  

"Of course it does.  It's because I'm…AYURU THE MAGNIFICENT!" he yelled loudly.  "Ya hear that, you stupid Emperor bastard?  I don't need you!  I don't need you either, Tenkou!  It's just me, me and me!  MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  

"Quick!" Amiboshi told his twin.  "Before the guys in white coats come to take him away and mistake us for crazy people, too!"

"'Nii-chan, I'm hungry…" Suboshi muttered, thinking of times when he was a kawaii little kid.

"Ok, we'll get cotton candy." Amiboshi said.

The twins went off to get some cotton candy, and then found some place to sleep before they set off to find a store that sold hair care products, contacts and clothes…

Ah…but what will happen?  Who is Amiboshi's rival?  We all know Suboshi's is Tetsuya, however, because he insulted Nakago's sunglasses.  The "smelly asshole/seishi powers stink" joke is not because I like stupid insults.  It's because in Nakago's novel, Soi actually tells Tomo that his seishi powers stink and that he is a smelly asshole.  

**What will happen?**

**Who is Amiboshi's rival?**

**Will Suboshi win Yui's love?**

**Or is he not really after Yui!**

**Maybe I'm just tricking you all!**

**Will I use more jokes from the FY novels?**

**What will be the effects of hair dye and contacts on Amiboshi?**

**Will Amiboshi and Suboshi get dates?**

**Where will they go?**

**Karaoke?**

**Food?**

**The zoo?**

**Tomo's house?!**

**Ok, let's forget about that last one…**

**Will the twins eat more cotton candy?**

**Will Nakago be taken away?**

**Will Nakago have a permanent fear of flowers?**

**Will I get chapter 4 up faster than chapter 3?**

**Will I shut up?**

**Actually, yes, because I have to get offline!  **

**Please review!**

**^_^**


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